tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59676242011-06-06T16:46:04.985-07:00THECLOWNCLINICYou are to check this blog when you come down with depression, anger, frustration, loneliness, and a heavy heart... Check it as many times daily... After or before food... It is best to do some facial excercises 1st to avoid face cramps from smiling too much...
~Dr. Dan (Certified Clown)~Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comBlogger591100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1134734082524368442005-12-16T03:02:00.000-08:002005-12-16T03:54:42.560-08:00----courtesy of ccube----baby philosophies...If it's mine it's mine,if it's yours it's mine,if I like it is mine,if I can take it from you it is mine,if I am playing with something ALL of the pieces are mine,if I think it is mine it is,if I saw it first it's mine,if I had it then put it down it is still mine,if you had it then you put it down it is now mine,if it looks like the one I have at homeDa Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1122969091937761242005-08-02T00:50:00.000-07:002005-08-02T01:05:56.583-07:00one day a boy asked his mother, "mummy, when you drink coffee, you use left hand or right hand?"mother: i use my left handboy: wah! so impressive! i use the spoon, aren't you afraid it's hot?Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1114629624705749282005-04-27T12:18:00.000-07:002005-04-27T12:20:24.706-07:00I wanna feel alive again... I wanna really laugh again... I wanna... I wanna... Bleah!!!Can't have EVERTHING I want... Hahaha... Sighz... Hope i get this blog going again...-dan-Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1108971348167657592005-02-20T23:35:00.000-08:002005-02-20T23:35:48.166-08:00My laughter and smiles have left me... I hope they come back soon...-dan-Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1107712486336554922005-02-06T09:38:00.000-08:002005-02-06T09:54:46.336-08:00Chilli?
A guy sits down in a cafe and asks for the hot chilli. The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."
He looks over and sees that the guy;s finished his meal, but the chilli bowl is still full
He says, "Hi! Are you going to eat that?"
The other guy says, "No. Help Yourself."
He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way through, his fork hits something. He Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1098039632700598882004-10-17T11:49:00.000-07:002004-10-17T12:00:32.700-07:00A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the dishevelled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"MisterDa Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1098037498883411232004-10-17T11:17:00.000-07:002004-10-17T11:24:58.883-07:00BEFORE AND AFTER OF FALLING IN LOVE
Before - Passion
After - Ration
Before - Don't stop
After - Don't start
Before - Turbocharged
After - Jump-start
Before - Twice a night
After - Twice a month
Before - Saturday Night Fever
After - Monday Night Football
Before - Idol
After - Idle
Before - Oysters
After - Fishsticks
Before - Is that all you're having?
After - Maybe you should just have a Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1092944443847963742004-08-19T12:37:00.000-07:002004-08-19T12:40:43.846-07:00I recently paid a visit to a millionaire's house, and ended up not having anything to drink despite the offer. Below is how the offer was made to me:
Question: "What would you like to have..... Fruit juice, Soda,Tea,Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"
Answer: "Tea please"
Question: "Ceylontea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea?"
Answer: "Ceylontea"
Question: "How would you like Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1083548396514062462004-05-02T18:39:00.000-07:002004-05-02T18:44:18.153-07:00A BOTTLE OF WINE
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be cherylnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1083498810305662012004-05-02T04:53:00.000-07:002004-05-02T04:57:50.826-07:00Smart man + smart woman = romance
> >Smart man + dumb woman = affair
> >Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
> >Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
> >OFFICE ARITHMETIC
> >
> >Smart boss + smart employee = profit
> >Smart boss + dumb employee = production
> >Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
> >Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
> >SHOPPING MATH
> >
> >A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
cherylnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1082632745214197142004-04-22T04:19:00.000-07:002004-04-22T04:23:12.420-07:00 20 Yo' Mama jokes...
1. Your mama''''s glasses are so thick that when she lookes on a map she can see people waving.
2. Yo mama's so fat, when she stepped on the dog's tail we had to change his name to Beaver.
3. Yo mama's so fat, when the cops see her on a street corner they yell, "Hey you guys, break it up!"
4. Yo mama's so fat, even Richard Simmons laughs at her!
5. Yo mama's so fat Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1082377786607455432004-04-19T05:29:00.000-07:002004-04-19T05:33:49.606-07:00Ah Soh wants to buy a TV set. She goes to a shop.
Ah Soh : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !"
Ah Soh : "Give me a green one, please "
===================================================
Ah Soh is filling up an application form for a job.
She supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc
Then she comes to column on "Salary Expected" She is not sure of the
question.
cherylnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1080540890765634402004-03-28T22:14:00.000-08:002004-03-28T22:18:24.750-08:00>----------------- Curl Up and Die ------------------
>I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in town and asked
>loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
>
>Melinda Lowe, 39,
>Seguin, TX
>
>
>----------------------- Pad, please! ---------------
>An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance.
>He was throwing a lot of cherylnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1079963577728977002004-03-22T05:52:00.000-08:002004-03-22T05:56:22.013-08:00interesting
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by
ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making thebed
firmer to sleep on. That's where the phrase, "goodnight, sleep tight "came from!!
The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law,
which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than
your thumb.
It was the cherylnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1079314058796718912004-03-14T17:27:00.000-08:002004-03-14T17:30:53.140-08:00important notice from the boss
Dear Staff
>
> Welcome back to the office after the long year-end holiday break of 2003.
>
> Please be advised that there are new rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our company in 2004.
>
> ATTIRE:
> It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
>
> If we see you wearing Prada cherylnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1078951133689794802004-03-10T12:38:00.000-08:002004-03-10T12:42:02.106-08:00If ur having a bad day, check out these actual cases!
1.
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and facemask. A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1078327449180496152004-03-03T07:24:00.000-08:002004-03-03T07:27:07.903-08:00One Stone> >
> > This was his Indian name given to him because he had only one testicle.
> > After years and years of this torment One Stone cracked and said, "If
> > anyone calls me One Stone again I will kill them!" The word got around
> > and nobody called him that any more.
> >
> > Then one day a young girl named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good
> > morning,One Stone." He jumped up, cherylnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1078042193717651252004-02-29T00:09:00.000-08:002004-02-29T00:12:48.093-08:00(Act 1)
Ah Beng calls the telephone operator:
Ah Beng: "Could you please tell me the time difference between Singapore and New York?"
Operator: "Just a minute..."
Ah Beng: "Thank you."
Ah Beng got his answer and cut off the line.
(Act 2)
At a bar in New York, the man sat next to Ah Beng told the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."
and his companion said, "JACK DANIELS,SINGLE."
The cherylnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1077646899307487072004-02-24T10:21:00.000-08:002004-02-24T10:24:27.233-08:00LaUgH & LeT LaUgH
>Fruits Feast
>
>A plane crash on an island, only three guys survived. They were captured by
>the cannibal tribe and brought before the chief.
>The chief said: "I will let you live if you manage to pass two trials."
>They have got no other choice but to ask: "What will be the first trial?"
>
>Chief said: "Go into the forest and bring me ten fruits of the same kind."
>cherylnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1077646753757381492004-02-24T10:19:00.000-08:002004-02-24T10:22:01.716-08:00I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
she called me to get my phone number.
she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
"concentrate."
she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
she tried to drown a fish.
she thought a quarterback was a refund.
cherylnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1076557829148900452004-02-11T19:50:00.000-08:002004-02-11T19:52:59.326-08:00 > ~~~~~CUSTOMER SERVICE~~~~> > This has got to be one of the funniest I've heard of in a long time. I
> think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story
> from the WordPerfect Helpline which was transcribed from a recording
> monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say, the Help Desk
> employee was fired however, he is currently suing the WordPerfect
> cherylnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1076520878553931432004-02-11T09:34:00.000-08:002004-02-11T09:37:08.356-08:00Kissing soundz
A Pakistani guy, Indian Guy, a beautiful girl and an
old woman are sitting in a train.
The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and it gets
completely dark.
Suddenly there is a kissing sound, followed by a loud
slap!
The train comes out of the tunnel, the Indian guy,
Pakistani guy, beautiful girl and the old woman are
sitting there looking perplexed.
The Pakistani guy is bent overDa Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1075825743754865352004-02-03T08:29:00.000-08:002004-02-03T08:31:52.950-08:00Marriage Humor
1. Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she
expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she
respects him.
2. There was this guy who told his woman that he loved
her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married - and
now he is going thru hell.
3. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds : "Wife
wanted ". Next day, he cherylnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1074006240074266382004-01-13T07:04:00.000-08:002004-01-13T07:05:50.340-08:00An ant knocks the door of an house. House owner opens the door.
>
> "I want a place to stay", said the ant . "I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free of cost", said the owner. Ant went inside and occupied that vacant room. After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the owner "Can you please allow this ant to stay along with me". "Oh sure, you can do so without cherylnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1073929375037343292004-01-12T09:42:00.000-08:002004-01-12T09:43:15.696-08:00Our good ol' friend
http://www.buttafly.com/originals/friendster3.phpDa Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1073893187723844382004-01-11T23:39:00.000-08:002004-01-11T23:40:08.330-08:00Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could
have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half
dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at
the counter.
"You don't?"
"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six cherylnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1073725956369979362004-01-10T01:12:00.000-08:002004-01-10T01:12:56.316-08:00CLEVER WOMEN
Story 1:
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap,
I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog and then the frog said, “Thank you,
but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you cherylnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1073674711492169732004-01-09T10:58:00.000-08:002004-01-09T10:58:51.986-08:00Referred to by Jessica
These are some answers to questions children gave in Sunday school class:
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals......Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah....Sampson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1073585180908260902004-01-08T10:06:00.000-08:002004-01-08T10:06:41.023-08:00AFFAIRS
The First Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house,where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 p.m.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt.
cherylnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1073502315837874902004-01-07T11:05:00.000-08:002004-01-07T11:05:35.710-08:00Blond Jokes...
Bad reception
A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1072906541685096002003-12-31T13:35:00.000-08:002003-12-31T13:35:59.256-08:00HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!!!!
May this yead hold many new opportunities for all of you... Live your life a day at a time for every day is a gift from GOD... May HE continue to shower grace and joy upon your lives... Commit this year to HIM... and sit back and allow HIS plan to play itself out in your life... Be blessed people... Thanks for making footprints in the sands of my life... GOD BLESS YOU Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1072124084908272702003-12-22T12:14:00.000-08:002003-12-22T12:15:00.476-08:00Taken from :
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2003/12/19/DDGV43PE441.DTL
Every long movie has that special moment -- here's how to find it
Finding the right moment to take a bathroom break is difficult in "Return of the King," where key plot points and impressive special effects shots are strung together with almost no interruption.
Fortunately, the makers of "Lord of the Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1070654124401713742003-12-05T11:55:00.000-08:002003-12-05T11:58:17.946-08:00My most recent photo to be taken yet... Have i put on a few pounds? My goodness... I think what they say about how camera's make you look fat IS true after all... Darn it...
Errr... The ciggarette was just for the shot!!! I swear!!! I don't smoke!!! Really!!! And the nose ring is fake... Really!!! Please believe me!!! Believe me k??!!?? I'll buy you lunch?
-dan-
Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1070536757497942682003-12-04T03:19:00.000-08:002003-12-04T03:19:28.170-08:00A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. AfterDa Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1070474492530878142003-12-03T10:01:00.000-08:002003-12-03T10:01:43.263-08:00MANHOOD
A man was not really happy about his manhood........... It was actually too
long, 50cm long. He did not know what to do and went to a witch to ask for
advice.
The witch thought for a long time before she said: Walk into the forest and
you will meet a frog. Ask the frog if it wants to marry you. If it says "no"
your manhood will shrink with 10cm, but if it says "yes" it will grow Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1069970439343501232003-11-27T14:00:00.000-08:002003-11-27T14:00:48.573-08:00Collecting Snails For Dinner Party
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. HeDa Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1069970296853559112003-11-27T13:58:00.000-08:002003-11-27T13:58:26.106-08:00Comments At Your Funeral
3 friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says,"I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1069970230573900362003-11-27T13:57:00.000-08:002003-11-27T13:57:19.843-08:00The Sin Of Lying
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1069969785921037362003-11-27T13:49:00.000-08:002003-11-27T13:49:54.630-08:00The millionare with alligators
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests...I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1069969668005222842003-11-27T13:47:00.000-08:002003-11-27T13:47:56.740-08:00The Blondes Who Finished The Jigsaw Puzzle
A group of blondes walk into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their glasses and toast, "Here's to 51 days!" and they proceed to down their drinks. Once again, they tell the bartender to "line 'em up", and once again they toast 51 days and down their drinks.
The bartender says, "I Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1069969160918821862003-11-27T13:39:00.000-08:002003-11-27T13:39:29.746-08:00The Great Bar
Two men sit at a bar. The first one just slowly sips at his drink, studying the other man at the far end of the bar. Finally, the first man makes up his mind, and walks up the the second man. He sits back down and continues nursing his drink. The second man, thinking nothing of it, continues his drinking in peace. After a while, the first man speaks up.
"This place is great, Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1069968824144497802003-11-27T13:33:00.000-08:002003-11-27T13:33:53.033-08:00A Pirate & Land-Lubber Conversation
A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate,
"How did you loose your leg?" The pirate responded,
"I lost me Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1069967168237028252003-11-27T13:06:00.000-08:002003-11-27T13:06:17.396-08:00Got Any Grapes?
A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, aDa Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1069532451274616862003-11-22T12:20:00.000-08:002003-11-22T12:20:58.836-08:00 Testicles
A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner. As he looks around, he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle. When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the meatball dish. The waiter explains that the meatballs are bull's testicles, and when the bull loses the bullfight, the bull is Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1069531602789478762003-11-22T12:06:00.001-08:002003-11-22T12:06:50.533-08:00Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
To wreak an unholy vengeance upon the driver of the car who's standing there, scratching his head, trying to figure out how a zombie baby's head can be beneath his car tires but the rest of the body is nowhere to be seen-- unless he were to turn around and notice the zombie baby body bearing down on him, coming Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1069530934960636982003-11-22T11:55:00.000-08:002003-11-22T11:55:42.043-08:00A Real Ball Buster
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'mDa Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1069530793379824592003-11-22T11:53:00.000-08:002003-11-22T11:53:20.500-08:00A Crappy Date (A True Story)
Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.
Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1069530096445563562003-11-22T11:41:00.000-08:002003-11-22T11:44:27.456-08:00Tales From The Shire
Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They takes her to ta local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!"
In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?" Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1069529871892073622003-11-22T11:37:00.000-08:002003-11-22T11:37:59.213-08:00The Scottie Dog Who Knew Karate
There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, “I need a good guard dog.”
And the clerk replied, “Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate.”
The Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1068311901546088582003-11-08T09:18:00.000-08:002003-11-08T09:18:25.600-08:00Final Exam
This past fall semester, at Duke University, there were two
sophomores who were taking Organic Chemistry and who did pretty
well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such
that going into the final they had a solid 'A'. These two
friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend
before finals week, even though the Chem final was on Monday,
they decided Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1068311763614545302003-11-08T09:16:00.000-08:002003-11-08T09:16:07.696-08:00Man Falls Asleep At Church...
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1067879463126307732003-11-03T09:11:00.000-08:002003-11-03T09:11:05.996-08:00Kinda crude... But funny nevertheless...
What pissed me off?
Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over
and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off !"
"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.
"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her
home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we
were just about to make love when Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1067878218332308302003-11-03T08:50:00.000-08:002003-11-03T08:50:20.650-08:00Subject: Indian vs Chinese Movies
Things You Would Never Know Without Indian Movies
=================================================
1. A man will show no pain while taking the most
ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to
cleanse his wounds.
2. The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine(vice
versa) unless they first perform a dance number in the
rain.
3. Once applied, Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1067681200121433962003-11-01T02:06:00.000-08:002003-11-01T02:06:42.440-08:00Who died the worst death?
Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven.
However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit
33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the
worst death? So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in
turn and asks them about how they died.
First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife was
Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1067619728132357102003-10-31T09:02:00.000-08:002003-10-31T09:02:10.320-08:00A farnie conversation...
Lee Sum Wan : Hello can i speak to Annie Wan
Mr Sori : Yes u could speak to me.
Lee Sum Wan: No, i want to speak to Annie Wan!
Mr Sori : You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Lee Sum Wan : Im Sum Wan. And i need to talk to
Annie Wan! Its urgent.
Mr Sori : I know u are someone and u want to talk
to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Lee Sum Wan : Well Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1067439803456152682003-10-29T07:03:00.000-08:002003-10-29T07:03:25.090-08:00The test.
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could
live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
apples." The king thenDa Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1067060401566981052003-10-24T22:40:00.000-07:002003-10-24T22:40:01.683-07:00My son’s more successful than yours.
Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they
were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a
phone call.
The other three were discussing their children while walking to
the first tee.
"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself
in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now
owns his Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1066847004445787112003-10-22T11:23:00.000-07:002003-10-22T11:23:24.270-07:00To be a doctor you must...
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor began the lecture by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to possess two important qualities as a doctor:
The first is that you Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5967624.post-1066669695057065682003-10-20T10:08:00.000-07:002003-10-22T11:17:44.150-07:00Three Wishes
Three wishes each for a bear and a rabbit.
One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a
water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen
another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was
chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you
are the only two animals I have seen, I Da Niuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07465497363794406257noreply@blogger.com